Ed Sheeran is in love with the shape of lewd.

The "Shivers" singer, who is currently on his Mathematics world tour, explained why he recently gave Sam Smith a 6-foot-tall, "two-ton" penis statue on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert Thursday night. 

But first, he insisted on providing a bit of context. "Elton John has been involved in my career from the get-go, and he buys me weird gifts," Sheeran told host Stephen Colbert. "Just, like, odd gifts, like sexual sort of objects."

According to Sheeran, one of John's favorite presents he's ever received was the pair of "diamond-encrusted [bleep] rings" that Eminem gave him and husband David Furnish for their wedding. 

So, when it came time to find the perfect present for John's 74th birthday last year, Sheeran set out to "one-up" Eminem's gift by getting him a "massive marble penis" statue.

"I got this huge, flopping, droopy thing," Sheeran joked. "I got a few different iterations — there was a big, erect, vein-y one."

The musician soon found out, however, that no good gag gift ever goes unpunished. "I gave it to him for his birthday and Elton was over the moon about it. And then it got out in the press that I had done it," he said. "And I would be doing interviews and people would be like, 'Well, can I have one?'"

That includes Smith. "Sam was recording at a studio up the road and Sam saw one of them and said, 'Can I have one?' And I said, 'What would you like?'" Sheeran recalled. "And Sam said, 'One the size of me. One that's 6-foot-2.' So there we go. That's it."

Smith, however, revealed that they had no idea Sheeran would actually get someone to make the sky-high sculpture for them.

"It's actually wild, I thought it was a joke," the "Stay With Me" singer said on The Kelly Clarkson Show. "It's a 6-foot-2 marble penis. It's two tons, and I'm gonna have to get it craned into my house."

As for what they're going to do with it? "Well, I want to turn it into a fountain," Smith told Clarkson. "Which I think will be hard to do."

Watch Sheeran discuss his new phallic hobby — and, hey, meeting Queen Elizabeth II! — in the clip above.

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